Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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