I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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