You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
