Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
