dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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