I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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