omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
