I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
