i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
