i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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