i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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