Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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