I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
