i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
