what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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