she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
