FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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