Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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