I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
