we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
