Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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