Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
