I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
