Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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