it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
