Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
