i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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