Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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