omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They have beer where we have blood.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
