This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
