Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
