i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
