The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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