please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
