That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
