fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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