I heard we made out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
