I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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