Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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