I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
