im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
