I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
