He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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