Just fell off a train. Bad.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
