he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
