Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
