areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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