Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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