your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
