Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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