Who wears a wallet chain?!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
