I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
