I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
