he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
