I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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