He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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