My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
